26. Long Gone (Buddy)

I never thought I would go through anything like this again. That's why I got married. I lost someone I loved and never wanted to do that again. But even in friendship, you can fall in love, and losing that love is as dreadful with a friend as with a lover. Perhaps more-so, because with a couple-style relationship there are conditions to be met. But with a friendship, if the love is strong, it is more unconditional. And with unconditional love you go through a lot. It would seem the investment is more of a rainy day friendship, when the going gets tough you are there. It is not that you expect reimbursement, just acknowledgement. In my mind the deep stuff, the hard stuff, the high stuff, that is important. We lived through some things together. Jokes and small talk can be fun but in the end mean nothing.

But here I am now. The rain is over. Sunshine is here and my friend is not. Oh why can you never judge these things correctly? You want to make errors on the side of hope. You want to think the importance of a friendship is real. You can't believe it when the person couldn't care if they ever saw you again.

This is unbelievable.

9/28/06