15 No Music

I had a kid in 1994 and another in 1997. I am obsessive so I blanked out for awhile to everything but that. And music seemed to suck in the 90s anyway.

Dave had a cassette of Bleach by Nirvana from back when they used to open for The Flaming Lips. Dave did live sound for the Lips back then. And started fires I think. I never listened to Nirvana cuz Kurt Cobain’s face was in pain. Really bad pain and I didn’t want to hear painful music. I felt enough pain in my brain. But by the last album, I was sucked in. And then he killed himself just when he was fooling me. We saw them the November (1993?) before he died. He was funny, telling people how to act, “if you jump up and down instead of smashing into each other, noone will get hurt.” Punk rock lessons. That was good. Then he died.

I thought the Hole record that came out as soon as he died was quite good. Because it was so damn psychic.

I liked Pavement Crooked Rain Crooked Rain. I thought it was deep.

Of course there was My Bloody Valentine Loveless. Of course. But I never did know if that was 80s or 90s.

Ok so then the kids, but I’m not sure if I missed anything there. I did miss loving music though. I hate it when my brain can’t listen or maybe there just isn’t anything happening I would want to hear.

Mercury Rev had a terribly negative effect on me in the early 90s. I can remember one show that I hallucinated flying over them and stabbing myself and bleeding all over them. And not because of drugs. Just an example of how bad it felt. I don’t think it was just me who felt that bad back then.

This is in great juxtaposition with the last record they did here. Which was still difficult musically but these people were one giant smile when I walked in to the studio. I can’t say I have ever experienced anything quite like that. I don’t think anyone could fake something like that.

So in 98 or 99 I discovered music again. Elliott Smith. Damn him. Dead too. I just listened to his posthumous record. I couldn’t stand to listen to it for a few days because they spelled Steven Drozd, Steven Drodz in the credits. Plus he’s dead and that’s creepy. And it's crappy sounding at times.

I keep claiming I stopped liking music since last November. Just realized that was around the time Mr. Smith died. Probably a coincidence. Last few Octobers have been terrible. This one I think was pretty good except for it ending with November Bush election.

Last November (2003) there was a walk down memory lane with BJs 80s Sundays and one new song, Hey Ya. There were several college seniors who I quite enjoyed spending time with and one night burst into the best 80s night since the 80s. The baseball cap boys were all concerned about people’s sexuality. And my one very knowledgeable ( I thought) indie rock friend didn’t know Let’s Go To Bed by the Cure. Oh dear my age is showing. And then Rev was here and Grasshopper, a fountain of 80s knowledge..I’m sure he knows more than 80s but ... well just looking at Sean makes me laugh. And those boys from Saxon Shore..They are very funny. And everyone danced that November... Hey Ya!

Speaking of Saxon Shore. He’s bored of the drums and off writing songs, but Josh Tillman is quite the drummer. I almost feel like I’m cheating on Steven Drozd (not Drodz) saying that. And what do I know? And also I’m not one to hand out compliments but I feel like I saw something there with that boy. He actually scared me.

And maybe now I can stand music again. I listened to the new Low record today. Well I like those people. And I like their smart songs so I don’t really need them to be soft or loud. Doesn’t really matter when someone can write a song. Not very many people can.

And the Elliott Smith. Well he could write a song. Maybe if I can bear to listen to his ragtag leavings, maybe I can let some other songs into my head. And he will have jumpstarted music for me twice.

11/7/04