9. Paper Mario Syndrome

Paper Mario Syndrome. I cannot claim to have named this syndrome. A friend of mine made up this name. It can be shortened to PMS, which is funny. In my mind, it broadly refers to an addiction to video games. Quite specifically it can refer to an addiction to the game Paper Mario. It has also been used to refer to my problems as the parent of someone with Paper Mario Syndrome. Since I have to deal with this person who cannot bear to tear himself away from Paper Mario, I too have Paper Mario Syndrome. The whole family does really. The constant sound of the music repeating over and over. The difficulty prying the game controller out of the stricken person’s hands when you are making him stop playing. The repeated question, “Can I play Paper Mario? Can I play Paper Mario? Can I play Paper Mario? Can I play Paper Mario?” I think there is usually about a one minute break between each time that question is asked. As if perhaps something has changed since the last time you said no.

Paper Mario Syndrome is not a really messy addiction. No one ends up dead. It’s just a kid getting a little too into a video game. You can counteract it by stealing your will-power and saying no, you must go outside now. Go play Legos. Go clean your room. There is a bit of an adjustment period, maybe five minutes to a half hour where the kid feels lost in real reality rather than his flat, paper thin virtual reality. But with a glass of milk and a little time, the kid is as good as new. You may hear the dreaded question more than you would like. You can try to have fun with it like calling it Oiram Repap, to mix up the questions. But you have to know the kid is going to get over it. PMS only comes in phases. The next thing you know, he’ll be obsessed with reading his Lego Magazines and announcing how cheap that $17.99 play set is. Can he have it?

11/9/03