31. Standing up for Britney Spears

Fat?
Everyone is all up in arms about how Britney is fat and not doing athletics while she performs her little mtv award thing. Well, I am beginning to admire her now. It is NOTHING to be cute and hot and sexy when you are pre-20. I always thought she had the look of a housewife-to-be. No offense to housewives. I am a housewife. But I never understood any of the hype on these girls.

Sexy
I was shocked when it became clear to me that guys that I somewhat respected actually liked her due to her sexiness or whatever. (Try explaining sexy to a small child who looks up at you and says “mommy what is sexy?”) I was shocked because I was completely in my own naive little bubble where I thought music and talent and things mattered. And it was actually not fun having that bubble be popped by the mousketeers and their ilk.

Ugly
Even with my little pre-30 year old body, I never thought about or considered being sexy. And now there is pressure on even the most ugly, smart, fat, manly, old, etc. female to be sexy. And I was in my 30s and had gained weight and was even more disgusting than ever since the only valid female is a sexy hot female. Well I don’t mind the sexy people being sexy. That always happened but now everyone had this huge pressure to be sexy. I was in my hey-dey in the 80s. Man, we were allowed to be ugly. Check out the teeth in Valley Girl. Even movie stars were ugly. Martha Plimpton was cool.

Tease
Well, I mulled and mulled this whole thing over. I realized that these girls were just teasing and people didn’t much care about their skills. People just wanted to someday get a chance to see the only tiny little bit that they covered up. I drunkenly used to say they should have a band called Vulva. Why wasn’t there a band called Vulva? And I would say please will someone just show us her private matters so we can get this all over with.

Jerks
I also bet that it was the fashion and that many of the girls that people are just jerking off to, actually thought people thought they were talented too. I bet little girls did think they were talented. And wanted to grow up hot and sexy too. I have heard little girl teen suicide is up. I feel so lucky to have grown up in a time where ugly was acceptable.

Naked
A Band We Know enjoys putting naked women in their shows. People sometimes respond with I can’t believe they exploit women like that. Well these women are proud of themselves showing their sexy little bodies. I don’t care about them. What about the rest of the people who aren’t really all hot? Do you ever see the band putting big fat naked ladies up there? Or do men have to look at really hot naked men up there? Why do we want to be put in situations like that?

Woops
So Britney. She just can’t have the twisted brilliant brains of Madonna, the understanding of sex and all that manipulation of power and whatnot when she was 16 and 17. But I bet after being surrounded by it long enough, a version of it came through. And boy, people made money off her. What pressure she must’ve had. And then everyone talks of having babies and how that makes your life have real meaning. I mean every freaking time I go to the grocery store I get an eyeful of how great it all is. Imagine being surrounded by all these attitudes. So she had some babies. WOOPS. It isn’t really so simple as that. It’s a lot of hard work. It can be mind-boggling. And what she’s only 25?

Brains?
Well I never thought much of her. But now she’s lost her mind. Which I think any thinking person should. I just never knew she would be a thinking person. I never really thought about her at all. She gave the people what they wanted. They saw what they had been dreaming of. She took the cork off the bottle. And boy people did not really want that. It was brilliant really. At least in my book of brilliant. Maybe she actually would prefer to be happy than to be the great money maker selling a tease. Her trying to be happy having kids makes me think that. A real business brain would have known better.

Crazy
So, the awards show. Hmm. I kept hearing everybody say how awful it was so I had to see it. Well! Ok she wasn’t doing cheerleader stunts or whatever she used to do but she was just completely insane like weeks ago wasn’t she? Have you seen the crazy people on the streets?

Healthy?
Also, regarding having babies. And getting older as a woman. Weight gain is a healthy thing to do. And if you are crazy with hormones and life, losing weight and sculpting a body is not a very easy thing to do.. And despite her good chances of looking dowdy as a housewife in my mind, she actually was surprisingly attractive. It must have taken a lot of work.

Well I respect work and crazy brains. I hope she survives this bullshit world. I am actually cheering for her now. People can be such shits.

9/12/07